I am so tired. I didn’t realise just how tired I was until this weekend.
It’s been about 12 months since I last had a full night’s sleep. Part and parcel of having a new baby, or two as the case may be, in the home. The boys are only six months old, but I haven’t slept through the night since I was about three months pregnant with them. The rapidly growing belly, and the squished bladder meant I was waking at least twice a night, usually more, especially at the end.
Harry and Zach usually sleep pretty well at night, going to bed at 7pm, and waking twice for a quick feed, back to bed, and starting the day around 6.30am. I usually have enough in me to get through the day, plus run or do strength training four or five nights a week, before collapsing into bed every night, my head barely touching the pillow before I am asleep. I could go to bed earlier, but I wouldn’t have time to run. Running gives me my me time, and when my days are filled with caring for two little babes, I need that time for myself, to be myself.
Six month vaccinations were on Thursday, which means, going by the last lot of vaccinations, a week or so of more frequent night wakings, and a need to be held more, and less sleeping during the day. We’re about halfway in. I am getting through the day just. I’ve felt guilty for not tying my shoe laces and hitting the pavement the last few nights, I’ve just not had it in me. I’m tired down to my bones.
It hit me over the weekend, I’m running on empty. 12 months of broken sleep, and six months of mothering two babies, plus two school age children, mean I’ve got nothing left in reserve. So when and already low sleep tank is depleted more than usual, something has got to give. That something, this week, is working out. And that’s okay, because this too, shall pass. This too, shall pass.