Dear Harry and Zach,
I know I say it every month, but I can’t believe that another one has passed already. I really wish tie would slow down just for a bit. With you being my last babies, I am really trying to take the time to enjoy and appreciate your babyhood before its gone. I try to drink in your smells, try to commit them to memory, but already they are changing, and more often than not you smell of weetbix these days. Your baby days are passing in a flurry of school runs, laundry and grocery shopping, things that can’t be put off in a family of six, the way they could be when your older siblings we young.
You’ve really got the hang of this eating thing in the past month. The needs of the family mean that we are combining baby led weaning with spoon feeding. We’d never get to school on time if I let you feed yourselves in the morning. There doesn’t seem to be anything you don’t like so far, at you steadily chunking up without the need to top you up with expressed milk anymore.
This past weekend we finally bit the bullet and moved you into separate cots. I think you’ve been ready for it for a while, but I wasn’t quite there yet. You’d always slept so well together, but you’d started to wake each other up due to the lack of room and rolling into each other. You are still in the same room, but I miss seeing you sleeping next to each other, usually touching some part of your body to the other’s. Separate cots also means gently teaching you to self settle rather than patting you to sleep. We are seeing improvements already, with you needing me less and less to calm you to sleep, and you falling asleep with needing my help faster each day. Your day sleeps seem to be stretching out too.
We’re entering into our last month at home together. June brings your transition into day care in preparation for my return to studying in July. I feel so conflicted about it. I am ready to go back, I love studying, and I am passionate about my chosen field, but I don’t feel ready to leave you yet. I don’t know if I’ll ever feel ready. I’m sure you’ll be fine, you adapt to new situations, and new people so easily. We can navigate our new pathway together, just don’t stop needing me just yet.
I love you more than you could ever know, my smiling, laughing, funny boys.