Six-ish months ago I started running. Not every day, but a few days a week. I’d run in the evening once all the kids were in bed, as the hot summer days cooled and the sun set. It was hard, and it hurt. But it felt so good feeling myself growing string again, growing healthy. I was seeing muscle definition in my legs. For me, with frequent exercise, I tend to naturally eat better, not wanting to sabotage my hard work. Each week the distance I ran got gradually longer. I was running. I was a runner.
Then we all got sick. Just colds, but mine lingered. Then came the sinus congestion. I stopped running. By the time I was well again, it was completely dark by my usual running time. I’m not comfortable running in the dark. As quick as my running habit was formed, it’s been broken. I had plans of getting up before everyone else and running while the sun comes up, but they went nowhere. I’m not a morning person when I’m getting 8 hours of unbroken sleep a night, let alone 5 hours of broken sleep. I need my coffee and my breakfast to function.
I’ve come up with so many excuses to get out of running. During the school holidays I would say I’d run with the pram once school went back and I’d dropped the bigs off. But then I had somewhere to be, and then it rained. And, and and… I could come up with excuses forever. I’m feeling the loss of strength, the loss of fitness though. I don’t like it. My weight has stayed pretty much the same, but my muscle definition has disappeared, I’ve softened. I feel sluggish. I’m eating badly out of guilt. What’s it matter if I eat those biscuits if I’m not exercising anyway?
I don’t want to feel like this anymore. I want to feel strong again, I want to be healthy. I want to run again. I need to plan and prepare. I need to set myself small, achievable goals, not to expect too much too soon. I also need to be accountable in order to stay on track. One thing I know, I will run again.
I will be a runner again.