My boys, you have now been outside my belly longer than you were in it. Yesterday you were nine months old; you were inside me for 38 weeks and one day, and a week ago, you ad been out for just as long. My pregnancy with you seemed so long, yet your time earth side seems like it’s been much shorter. It is bittersweet, the thought that I will never feel babies growing inside me again, flipping and kicking (I am so done by the way, this baby-making shop is definitely closed for business). But I love having you on the outside, seeing your personalities grow and develop, watching you taking in the world around you.
The move into separate cots has been a success, and we’ve been able to gently teach you to self-settle. Most of the time you now pop off to sleep without any help from me. You really seem to have got the hang of sleeping in the last few weeks, and I’m now having to wake you in the afternoon to pick Dylan and Mahalia up from school. As tiring as it is, I don’t mind the times I do have to help you to sleep because I know it won’t be long until it’s the last time I rock one of my babies to sleep, and I won’t know when it is the last time.
This past month has brought some big changes in your development. Zach, you still seem to be doing everything first, and Harry, you seem more than happy to sit back while Zach masters a new skill, and shows you how. You are both now saying mum and bub, with he occasional dad thrown in. You talk to each other, you make each other laugh, and you try make the rest of us laugh too. The way you interact with each other is so beautiful to see, it’s like there is an invisible thread tying you together. You are definitely individuals, but the bond you share is impossible to miss.
After weeks of unsettled nights, Zach,your first tooth seems to finally have cut through the gum. I think your first is still a few weeks away yet Harry, although your gum does seem to be swelling a bit. Crawling is still a way off, but we have backwards shuffling going on. I’m in no hurry for you to grow up and be properly on the move. This weekend will see you Papa and I lowering your cot bases. Zach, you are trying so hard to pull up to standing, and I know it won’t be long until you have it mastered. Harry, you still seem so chilled, but there a few things that get you so excited – the bath, other people’s ears, and socks. I have never seen any other baby get so much joy out of sticking fingers in ears, or waving socks way above their heads. You make me laugh every day.
This first year of your lives seems to be passing so quickly. Next week you start day care so I can go back to uni. I’m torn. I can’t wait to go back to studying, but I don’t feel ready to leave you yet. If only we could pause these moments in time, suspend them, spend as long as we want in them, before moving on. I know you’ll will do fine at day care, you’ll always have a buddy with you, but I will miss you so much. I will miss you, and our days together, learning about each other, teaching each other. I will miss you.
Love always, Mama.