2014. It’s almost over.

I can’t believe how quickly 2014 is coming to an end. The past six months have been a blur. Trying to find a balance between full-time study and parenting four children has meant that pretty much everything else has fallen by the wayside.

October and November were filled with writing assignments, studying for exams, the exams themselves, and a two week break before I started my nursing clinical placement in December. I had grand plans for blogging during my break, but my brain kind of crashed, and between catching up on stuff around the house that had been neglected for a semester, and having some  time just to be, blogging never happened.

My placement while an amazing experience of surgical nursing, was exhausting to say the least. I finished a week before Christmas, and this year I was unorganised on the present front. It was a mad rush to get the Christmas shopping done on the sly with four kids at home from school and day care. Thank goodness for extended family and late night shopping.

And now we’re two days out from the end of the year, and I feel like I can finally relax, can finally breathe. It’s probably the first time since Harry and Zach were born (16 months ago today!), that I feel like I’m really relaxing. Twins are fantastic, but man are they hard. All parenting is hard at times, but adding twins to a family with two other children already? Takes it to a whole new level. Harry and Zach are reaching an age where they are exploring their independence, they still need me, but not so much as before. All ages of childhood bring challenges as a parent, but I think 2015 will be easier than this year has been. I think I’ll have more time to do things I enjoy, that have been let go in the past year and a half.

I’m not making any new year’s resolutions, mainly because I’ve never keep them. But there are some changes I want to make to my life, some goals I want to achieve, to make life more organised, more enjoyable, more memorable. I finish my degree at the end of 2015, so I’ve got to make a decision early on in the year about whether I’ll head straight into a midwifery post-graduate degree, or if I’ll work as a registered nurse for a bit first. My mind changes everyday, and every nurse I’ve sought advice from has a different opinion. But I’ll leave that for the new year.

2014 has been good to me, but I can’t wait for 2015 to begin.

A Letter To Harry and Zach: 4 Months Old

Dear Harry and Zach,

I can’t believe you are four months old already. I remember reading while you were still nestled in my womb, that the first three to six months with twins is a blur. They were right, those other twin parents. I feel like the veil of constant tiredness is starting to lift. I am seeing the world clearly again, I am making plans for the future. All I can really remember of your first three months is your Papa coming down with gastro two days after we came home from hospital, and spending a great deal of time sitting on the lounge. Your first two months, I pretty much slept upright on the lounge. I was lucky if I spent more than an hour in bed each night. I thought my derrière would be permanently without feeling due to all the couch time spent feeding you. I wish I had taken more photos of the two of you in those early months, but I struggled to form a coherent sentence, I couldn’t even think about anything other than tending your needs. Also, I thought I’d have more time to take photos to remember the early days by. Funny that.

But now you are four months old, and my, how you have grown and changed in such a short time. Your feeds are down to as little as 10 minutes, and you sleep 7pm until 1.30am most nights, and then until between 4.30 and 6am when we are up with the birds. No more lounge sleeping for me (and I have feeling back in my butt).

It’s remarkable how close together you achieve your milestones. Zach, you smiled first, but Harry was only a few hours behind. You both giggled for the first time on the same day. Harry, you rolled tummy to back, followed 30 seconds later by Zachy. You can both roll back to tummy too.

While you both bounced around inside my belly, I honestly thought that I was having both a boy and a girl. The sonographers and obstitricians kept insisting you were both boys. I had a feeling that if you were in fact both boys, that you were identical. I got that bit right at least. Your personalities are so different already, and I think that’s what I was picking up when I was still growing you on the inside.

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Zachy, you are my sensitive little soul. You need more snuggles than your older brother, but when you feel safe, you give us the most beautiful smiles. You babble away gooing, giggling and chatting to anyone who will listen. You find going to sleep and waking up hard, but you are comforted by arms, by soft words and kisses. You may have been born second, but you certainly aren’t falling behind in your development (in fact, you may just have overtaken Harry). We put you on the floor, and you roll over and over and over again. I’m not sure I’m ready for all the movement.

Harry, you are my chilled out little dude. You are usually happy to wait while your little brother is given some extra attention. You already look out for him, trying to comfort him by moving closer to him in your cot when he’s struggling in the arms of sleep. I think that’s the way it’s going to be, you taking care of your little brother, protecting him from the world, while he showers you with love. You’re happy just relaxing on your blanket on the floor, feet dancing in the air. You’ve rolled once each way, and have decided that’s enough for you.

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We’ve just celebrated your first Christmas. You didn’t get much in the way of presents, but you got showered with love. You spent the day being cuddled and held by family, all enjoying the magic of your existence, and hinting to others that more babies are wanted.

Harry and Zach, your first few months may have passed in a blink of an eye, but at the same time, I feel a bond with you that feels like its been there forever. I feel I’ve waited my whole life to meet you, that there is a special purpose for you being given into my care.

I can’t wait to see what the next month brings.

Love Mama xx

Merry Christmas

I can’t believe Christmas is upon us. Another year almost over, yet feels like it has just begun.

I’ll be spending Christmas eve making gingerbread men with big kids, wrapping presents for extended family, and listening to Christmas carols fill our little home while I make our contribution to the family Christmas lunch. Hubby is off at the crack of dawn to source some seafood for Christmas lunch. My cravings for prawns and oysters went unfulfilled while I was pregnant, and my mouth is watering just thinking about them. Hubby is under strict instructions to buy lots.

For the first time ever, I braved the shops with all four children on my own over the weekend. Hubby and I decided we didn’t need presents this year, but the biggies were desperate to buy presents for this Mamma and their Pappa. I thought I’d need a bex and a nap afterwards, but the biggies knew exactly what they wanted to buy and where they wanted to go. It was pretty pain free. I love that our children get as much joy out of giving presents as they do receiving. They can barely contain their excitement watching people unwrap their gifts.

Our Christmas tree already has loads of presents underneath, sent from relatives on the other side of the country. Just about all of them are for the kids, big ones for the older kids, and presents to celebrate the twins’ first christmas. The meaning of christmas for our family though, is spending time just being with our loved ones. I know if there were no presents under the tree, the biggies would be disappointed, but I also know they’d get over it pretty quickly, and revel in spending the day with their Granny and Grandpa and cousins (twice removed?). Just being with people they love. And so will I.

Wishing you a Merry Christmas from this little blog. I hope your day is filled with joy, and you are surrounded by people you love.